JTBDM Jhonny the Blood Donating Maniac
by Mortal Wombat
Summary: Nny wants to give a bodily fluid away. What bodily fluid it is, he doesn't know.
1. Nny Sorts His Mail

A/N: I just got this idea in my head while I was going to the bathroom. I was thinking about the stupid Bill Nye movie we were forced to watch today in science. Bill was donating blood. Oooo... exciting... Anywho, I doubt this is very hilarious, and if it wasn't, it was a failed attempt. So flame me and I'll post them and laugh at your face. Rated PG13 for language and blood.

Disclaimer: Jhonny The Homocidal Maniac and all related characters and trademarks belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Slave Labor Graphics (who I will one day work for). Do not think otherwise or this could turn ugly.

Our most beloved homocidal maniac was sitting by his fireplace sorting through his mail, throwing useless letters into the flames.   
"Bill... *toss* Bill... *toss* Merry Christmas... in July? *toss*" He mumbled. A small glint in his eyes appeared as he read aloud: "Donate your bodily fluids at the mall today at 2:00... Hm... sounds interesting..." He looked at the clock. "1:45? I'll be off!" He stood up, threw all the other letters into the fire, grabbed his trench coat and waltzed out the door. 


	2. Jhonny Ties a Pimp in a Knot

A/N: I just got this idea in my head while I was going to the bathroom. I was thinking about the stupid Bill Nye movie we were forced to watch today in science. Bill was donating blood. Oooo... exciting... Anywho, I doubt this is very hilarious, and if it wasn't, it was a failed attempt. So flame me and I'll post them and laugh at your face. Rated PG13 for language and blood.

Disclaimer: Jhonny The Homocidal Maniac and all related characters and trademarks belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Slave Labor Graphics (who I will one day work for). Do not think otherwise or this could turn ugly.

Nny entered the crowded mall and stood behind a guy who had very many piercings and wore sunglasses and looked like a pimp. He was listening to his disc man which _had_ to be on max volume. He tapped the guy on the shoulder. The guy just kept on nodding his head to the music. He tapped the guy on the shoulder again. Nodding continued. Tapped again. Nod. Tap. Nod. Knot tieing. Scream. The scream wasn't from the guy, but from a woman standing in front of him. She looked down to see the man's mangled body. Parents covered their children's eyes as they passed the tangled mess. Two paramedics took the guy away as two police man grabbed Nny's shoulders. "What's your name, son?" asked one of the men as they stuffed a jelly filled donut into their mouth. "Son? I am not your son. My name is Jhonny, if you really have to know. But you can call me 'Nny.'" stated Jhonny.  
"Can you tell us what happened here?" asked the other police man nudging towards the blood left from the guy with loud music, of which the janitor was cleaning up.   
"I swear I didn't do it!" Protested Jhonny. "A baseball just came from out of nowhere and knocked the guy in the back of the head! The impact must have been so great that he went crazy and tied himself in a knot!"  
"If this is true... where's the baseball now?" asked the police man.  
"You pester me too greatly." Replied Nny as he reached his blood covered hand into his pocket. He found the baseball he had put in there earlier that belonged to a victim who had put a hole in his window.

~FLASHBACK~  
CRASH! Ding dong! Walk walk walk walk walk.  
"'Scuse me, mister! Methinks mah ball went through yer winder." said a kid at Nny's door.  
"Through my... window?" Stuttered Nny. "Do You know how much money that will take to replace?! DO YOU?!"   
"No, mister." came the reply.  
"No. No! NO?!" cried Nny. "WELL LET ME TELL YOU THIS! IT IS A LOT OF MONEY!!! DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF MONEY?!"  
"No, mister."   
"Well, then, come inside." The kid stepped inside. A bone shattering scream came from inside Nny's house. "I'LL THROW _YOUR_ BALLS THROUGH THE WINDOW!!!" And I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened from there. If you don't, you don't know Jhonny.  
~END FLASHBACK~

Nny handed the ball to the police men. The blood from his hands made it appear as if the ball had hit someone in the back of the head very very hard.   
"Well, I guess if he has evidence, then we'll have to let him go." The two police men did so and left the vicinity.


	3. Nny Gives Blood

A/N: I got my first flame! I'm very happy! Now it will be posted at the bottom of this chapter and we can all laugh at their face!

Disclaimer: Jhonny The Homocidal Maniac and all related characters and trademarks belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Slave Labor Graphics (who I will one day work for). Do not think otherwise or this could turn ugly.

After the incident that had just occured a few minutes ago, Jhonny tapped the next person who was in front of him on the shoulder. It was the lady who had screamed when she saw the tangled mess on the floor. She looked at him with a look that said "What a freak!"  
"Excuse me, but could you tell me how long this line-up is?" asked Nny, oh so politely. (A/N: And oh so totally out of character.)  
"Um, just a few more people..." she replied nervously.  
10 long minutes passed before Nny finally made it to the front.   
"If you could just have a seat on this chair and roll up your sleeve for me, dear?" asked the old lady. Nny gave her a wierd look as to say "Roll up my sleeve? Expose my flesh to the world? Are you kidding?" But he did as he was told anyway. She smeared some yellow goop on his arm and stuck a needle in his arm. His face went all quirky.  
"Ooooo... pain..." he thought. The pain only lasted for a moment. After the transfusion a guy walked up to him.  
"Now for the best part!" He cried. "A cookie!" He handed Nny a cookie and a glass of juice.   
"Thanks for donating blood!" said the old lady. "You could have saved a life!"  
"Blood? Life saving?" Thought Nny. "Dammit! I thought this was a urine drive! It looks like I'm going to have to switch to plan B!" Nny got up from the chair.  
  
A/N: What is Plan B? Find out next time in J.T.B.D.M.!  
  
FLAME TIME!  
This flame was so kindly donated by... Silverflashpup! She says:  
  
This was...kinda stupid, really. There are a coupla things wrong with it(scroll to the bottom to view the summary if you can't stand the dissection of your story):rnrn1. Nny dosen't kill THAT fucking randomly. Jesus. He'd have enough sense to yank off the pimp's headphones first and tap his shoulder again. No one could think that getting abosorbed in a song was rude.rnrn2. Did Johnny tie the guy into a knot in two seconds? One minute he's trying to ask him something, and in the next sentence some woman's screaming bloody murder.rnrn3. "Two paramedics took the guy away as two police man grabbed Nny's shoulders. rn"What's your name, son?" asked one of the men as they stuffed a jelly filled donut into their mouth.rn"Son? I am not your son. My name is Jhonny, if you really have to know. But you can call me 'Nny.'" stated Jhonny." Nononononono. Allll wrong.rnrna. Why is everything popping up outta nowhere? Did aforementioned woman create two paramedics out of the air?rnrnb. If the policemen had GRABBED his shoulders (which he probably would have killed them for), why would one of them be carrying a jelly doughnut? That makes no sense.rnrnc. Why, why, WHY does Johnny blurt out his name like that? It's not like he'd want the fucking POLICE to know who he was.rnrn3. The flashback scene also has high pettiness levels, but I suppose breaking Nny's window could send him into a flying torrent of destruction and pain infliction. It passes by my critisizm by the skin of its metaphorical teeth.rnrnSummary: Your fic is okay, but it's not really that funny, it's kinda OOC, and some parts don't make sense. Plus the title is clumsy-it dosen't roll off the tongue or show any level of signifigance as yet.rnrnrnSo, there ya go.rnrnP.S. Thank whatever god you think cares that you have good grammar or else I'd have to find you and strangle you with your own intestines.  
  
Well, Silverflashpup, I have something to say to that:  
  
So sue me if I haven't read all of the books. I've read about 2, and have seen some pictures off of the internet. I don't own any of the books. Why? BECAUSE I'M 13 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!! I don't have the money and what are the chances of my christian parents buying me them? Zero. I'm lucky I'm getting the Robin Black DVD for Christmas. How do I read the books, you ask? My friend owns almost all of them! And I don't give a fuck if he kills off that randomly. How boring would it be to say "Nny simply yanked the earphones out of the guys head and talked to him." I needed a story line! And did I say Nny tied the guy up in 2 seconds? No, I do not think so. And did I say the police men grabbed Jhonny by the shoulders with both hands? No. And how many guys are named Jhonny? Is it really going to matter if he says his name is Jhonny? I know about 3 guys named Jhonny. And I know I'd feel pretty damn angry if someone broke my window. Geez. I'm just trying to live a normal life without killing off a popular soul while trying to maintain good grades to be passed on to high school. Mmkay? Oh yeah. Both your stories and your e-mail nearly put me to sleep. So don't think you're Queen of the fanfic world quite yet. Oh yeah, just a quick note about your profile:  
"Note to the public: If you're nice, I like you. If you're mean without reason, go to hell."  
Same applies here. Maybe you should take a little more consideration to your own advice and stop flaming people who are going to post flames on their fanfics. Mmkay?  
  
That's it for FLAME TIME! Tune in next time folks when one of you ungreatful souls decide to flame my fanfic! 


	4. Subplots are special, too!

A/N: Since Silverflashpup has a problem with subplots, I've taken the time to write what I have of the story so far the way she wants to see it. Plus I need to think up how I'm going to write the next part. And please, unless it's absolutely important, don't post reviews. They really start to cram my inbox. I've been trying to update, but with school ending the homework piles up, and Christmas is near so I have to buy gifts. I'm going to try to update every weekend when I have free time.

Disclaimer: Jhonny The Homocidal Maniac and all related characters and trademarks belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Slave Labor Graphics (who I will one day work for). Do not think otherwise or this could turn ugly.

Once upon a time there was a guy named Jhonny C. He opened his mail to discover an ad that said "Donate a bodily fluid." He decided this would be a good idea and headed down to the mall where this took place. He waited in line and donated blood. The people thanked him and he went home. The end.   
  
A/N: That was pretty lame. So, now, not only does Silverflashpup know that subplots are important, but the rest of the world knows as well. So go away now and leave me alone. I'm still getting over my hives caused by an allergy of which I am unaware of. 


End file.
